How to Stay Happy for the Holidays

Many Americans want you to believe that we are all happy during the Holidays. But, that is simply not the case.  This time of year can remind some of us that are finances aren’t in order, our family is broken, a death of a loved one or that we are alone.

These feelings are valid. I respect the sadness that is felt and the comparison. But let’s not be Alice falling down the Rabbit Hole. Your life is meant to be joyful, no matter what time of year it is.

Here are some tips to survive the Holidays:

1. If you don’t have a lot of money to spend here are some ideas:

Think of what talents you possess and use them. Are you a skilled painter? Paint a painting. Skilled writer? Write a poem. Good at fixing things? Fix their leaky faucet. Great cook? Make them dinner. Organized? Clean their house. 

2. You choose not to are or are unable to spend time with your family for the Holidays:

If you chose not to because your family is not healthy for you to be around. Stay strong in your choice. Good friends can become family. Nourish those relationships and stay in the moment with them. When we wander off in our mind and compare with other happy families, that’s when we may become depressed. Remember social media is a highlight reel of what people what you to see. 

3. A loved one has died and you are reminded of them during the Holidays.

Meditate on good memories and write down what you miss the most about them. Once you get those thoughts and emotions out, it will be easier to process them. 

4. You find yourself alone for the Holidays.

Focus on what hobbies make you happy and schedule your day full of fun activities. Attend church, a group meditation, or parade. Try not to stay at home if you find yourself feeling down about being alone. Have a movie on, make hot cocoa and create distractions. 

Always remember that Holidays only come once a year. These feelings are not permanent and you will get through them.

We Drink Our Own Poison

I wish to amputate these toxic chains and ruby lights. Reset. Tug. Tug. Tug. Rid of it. It’s another defect. 

The worst type of poison is the one we keep giving to ourselves. We see patterns and try to get out of them but keep repeating the same mistakes. How many times till we change? Or is this what humans are? One “oh shit” moment after another until we die? Cycles of beauty. Cycles of ignorance. Lust. Pain. Love. Hatred. To remain sane we try and justify and use logic. Our mind becomes our protector as our heart goes back into hibernation. How can we connect on a core level when so many of us aren’t whole individuals anymore? We are all so broken, looking for someone who won’t judge us for our baggage. To tell us it’s okay and they will love us any way.

 But, we get scared when people show too much interest in us. Because we are so broken. So we hide. We throw ourselves into our careers and  material things because they won’t leave in the middle of the night because the feeling wasn’t right. We think that these things will make us happy, but instead we feel empty on the inside. We get addicted to the highs of the material life. Then we get bored. Because, we are humans and humans need connection. So we search.  Looking for that perfect mate to fulfill a void that’s so deep because we never fixed the problem ourselves. Leaving them with an impossible task. 

Then we wake up one day and wonder why we are not happy. It’s because we never fixed what was wrong in the first place. We searched for one external savior for another. Looking for solutions in sex, awards, clothes, cars, and boob jobs. When we get into a relationship, half the time it’s because they fit our checklist. Our vision board brought us our perfect mate. Years go by and we are trying to jam two puzzle pieces that just don’t fit. Leaving us bent out of shape. The players are interchangeable but the outcome is predictable. Back to square one. Unhappy. Spend money. Go fuck someone new. Cut your hair. Quit your job. Meanwhile our soul is dying. We just need love. Love from family. Love from animals. Love from children. We must break free from the toxicity of ourselves and the chaos we create. We create it and then try and play victim to it. Over and over again. Now we have trust issues and every little mistake that someone makes feeds into our issues. Even if 90 percent of the time everything else is fine. We need to live in gratitude and our faith must be strong. Whatever faith that is. It’s our moral compass for our happiness. We must fight as a society for our mental health. When we die, we can’t take anything with us. What this earth is left with is the impact we made on people. How we made them feel. Our memories we created for them to tell stories. To laugh and learn from. I refuse to be stone cold. Because I have too much to give the world. I choose to walk in the light and to heal people. 

Social Media is Creating a Lonely Society.

A zombie invasion as occurred and it is rapidly infecting all of us. Driving through the streets of Norfolk, we see these victims with glowing faces as they walk out in front of on coming traffic.  Often if examined closely, the thumb is seen repeatedly scrolling at these objects. Laughter can appear to come out of no where.  The facial expressions appear disengaged or highly emotional. 

Here is a look into the minds of these zombies:

Log into facebook:

Oh, Susy had another baby. (Why do I feel guilty for not wanting children yet?)

Mikey got a new car. (Oh.. how nice.)

This girl as bowel problems and wants a cookie. (Congratulations, you’re the girl that has a case of the farts. Information overload.)

Oh, he’s at the airport again. (Does he ever work? I want a vacation. Must be nice.)

Lucy in a relationship with Frankie. (…awkward… don’t think he was with Lucy last night.)

Oh God, Amanda’s sick. (Why didn’t I get a phone call?)

By this point, the zombie like human as experienced ten different emotions. 

   For those of us who are hyper sensitive people, social networking is not a good idea in excess. Often times, the emotionally artistic people are the ones who use it the most. We must tell the world of our pain and gains. It provides us with a wide audience to share our deepest emotions with.  What is the result of this? People are more depressed then they ever were. We are a lonely society, despite our thousand online friends. It is a rarity now a days, to talk to a new person who does not seem over stressed and their mind occupied with something else.  Humans need to connect face to face. Memories are built on adventures, tragedy, and human contact. When we over share with our thousand friends, we take away from those who have truly earned it.  Our true friendships get dis-assembled.  Going out on the town now has the unhealthy notion that there will be photos at the end of the night. This is not for memories, but is meant to serve as highlights for our social networking sites. We provide snap shots and over thought updates of the, “super hero” versions of ourselves.  Instant comments and feedback creates this false sense of internet stardom that may not exist in real life.  It has made a lot of us lazy with over inflated egos. 

   We need to remember to call people and have them over. To not sit behind our laptops and our phones. Filled with this false sense of friendship and connection. When the hard times hit, our real life friends will be there and they certainly won’t “like” our vulnerable moments.

Sincerely,

A recovering zombie